By Jim Boyce | Terse or winding, spotless or filthy, groaner or side-splitter, there is no shortage of “walks into a bar” jokes—or even anti-jokes. I’ve collected a bunch during the past year—50 jokes and counting—and they’ll be randomly appearing in the blog’s sidebar. Simply click “refresh” to get a new one. Here are a dozen…
Three strips of bacon, two fried eggs and a pile of hash browns walk into a bar.
“Sorry guys,” says the bartender. “We don’t serve breakfast.”
The past, the present and the future walk into a bar.
It’s a tense situation.
A man walks into a bar and orders a bottle of ‘less’.
The bartender says he’s never heard of the drink.
“What is that, some new kind of cocktail?” he asks.
“I have no idea,” says the man. “All I know is that my doctor says I should start drinking it.”
Two whales walk into a bar.
“Wheee-ooooo-uuuuuuu-oooo-uhhhhhhh,” says the first whale
“Shut up, Bob,” says the second one. “You’re drunk.”
A skeleton walks into a bar.
“What’ll you have?” asks the bartender.
“Give me a beer and a mop.”
The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers here.”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
An E-flat walks into a bar.
“Sorry,” says the bartender. “We don’t serve minors here.”
A guy with dyslexia walked into a bra.
A woman walks into a bar and orders three drinks. The bartender offers to bring them one at a time but she insists on all three at once.
“It reminds me of having a drink with my two sisters who live so far away,” she says.
She does this every day for a year. Then one day, she arrives and only orders two drinks.
“What’s wrong?” asks the bartender, with a worried look. “Did one of your sisters die?”
“No,” she says. “I decided to quit drinking.”
An Excel spreadsheet command walks into a bar and joins two tables.
A magician turned into a bar.
A grasshopper leaps into a bar, settles on a stool and orders a beer.
Amazed, the bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”
The grasshopper says, “You have a drink named Steve?”
Check out my sibling blogs Grape Wall of China and World Baijiu Day.
* * *
Get regular Beijing updates via my Instagram and Twitter feeds. Also see my sibling sites Grape Wall of China, World Baijiu Day and World Marselan Day. Help cover the hosting and other costs of these sites with a WeChat, AliPay or PayPal donation.
* * *
Leave a Reply