A key PR strategy of Paddy O’Shea’s is to attach an “O” and an apostrophe to any given event. Thus, ladies night becomes “Paddy O’Ladies“, a mustache appreciation event becomes “Paddy O’Staches“, and so on. My good memories of this place inspired me to create ten possible promotions to help maintain it as the premier Irish sports bar in our fair city. In the interest of conformity, I’ve focused on those that rhyme with “Shea’s” or start with “s”.
Paddy O’Haze: When the pollution index tops 250, happy hour is extended to compensate for your physical discomfort. The only black lung you’ll get is if you swallow your Guinness the wrong way, ha ha ha ha!
Paddy O’Praise: Torn between worship of deity and drink? Join Paddy’s for Sunday morning services that feature a unique consecration wine — known to some as Jameson — at half-price.
Paddy O’Space Pants: This intense eight-hour pick-up line session teaches how to execute intros such as, “You must be wearing space pants because your ass is out of this world”, “I’d like to rearrange the alphabet so that ‘u’ and ‘i’ are closer together” and “Excuse me, do you realize my shirt is made out of boyfriend / girlfriend material?” The afternoon starts with a one-hour lecture, followed by a panel discussion, breakout sessions and role-playing.
Paddy O’Spays: Buy a pint of Guinness and get your pet neutered for free. Includes a free bowl of Irish stew to raise your tiny friend’s spirits.
Paddy O’Clay’s: Nothing is more relaxing or rewarding that making your own pottery. At this monthly event, learn how to handcraft an artisanal drinking vessel that will then be secured by the barkeep for your personal use during visits to this fine establishment.
Paddy O’Sheeps: Celebrate Year of the Goat / Ram / Sheep with our Irish lamb stew.
Paddy O’Shares: Hugs, hugs and more hugs. Also, can you hug a hug? Paddy’s will show you how!
Paddy O’Horseplay: Join this event for all manner of pranks, including, but not necessarily limited to, wet willies, atomic wedgies, purple nurples, noogies, pink bellies and towel snaps. Note: All attendees must sign a disclaimer.
Paddy O’Rebecca de Mornay’s: Experience an evening dedicated to the films of this fine actress, including Risky Business, Runaway Train and The Hand That Rocks The Cradle. The festivities will include a quiz, with brain-teasers such as “What language other than English does she speak fluently?” (German), “What famous singer was she engaged to?” (Leonard Cohen) and “How tall, to the nearest millimeter, is she?” (166).
Paddy O’Lanterns: For Kim Mitchell fans. Note: Only fans of 1980s Canadian pop music are likely to attend.
Finally, today is St. Patrick’s Day, so get yourself over to Paddy O’Shea’s for all kinds of shenanigans, including drink deals, giveaways, nine hours of Irish music videos and a barbecue — wear green and get a free drink. More details, including on St. Patrick’s Day activities at The Irish Volunteer and The Local, here.