A panda walks into a bar (it could happen)…

By Jim Boyce | Terse or winding, spotless or filthy, groaner or side-splitter, there is no shortage of “walks into a bar” jokes—or even anti-jokes. I’ve collected a bunch during the past year—50 jokes and counting—and they’ll be randomly appearing in the blog’s sidebar. Simply click “refresh” to get a new one. Here are a dozen…


Three strips of bacon, two fried eggs and a pile of hash browns walk into a bar.

“Sorry guys,” says the bartender. “We don’t serve breakfast.”

The past, the present and the future walk into a bar.

It’s a tense situation.

A man walks into a bar and orders a bottle of ‘less’.

The bartender says he’s never heard of the drink.

“What is that, some new kind of cocktail?” he asks.

“I have no idea,” says the man. “All I know is that my doctor says I should start drinking it.”

Two whales walk into a bar.

“Wheee-ooooo-uuuuuuu-oooo-uhhhhhhh,” says the first whale

“Shut up, Bob,” says the second one. “You’re drunk.”

A skeleton walks into a bar.

“What’ll you have?” asks the bartender.

“Give me a beer and a mop.”

The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers here.”

A time traveler walks into a bar.

An E-flat walks into a bar.

“Sorry,” says the bartender. “We don’t serve minors here.”

A guy with dyslexia walked into a bra.

A woman walks into a bar and orders three drinks. The bartender offers to bring them one at a time but she insists on all three at once.

“It reminds me of having a drink with my two sisters who live so far away,” she says.

She does this every day for a year. Then one day, she arrives and only orders two drinks.

“What’s wrong?” asks the bartender, with a worried look. “Did one of your sisters die?”

“No,” she says. “I decided to quit drinking.”

An Excel spreadsheet command walks into a bar and joins two tables.

A magician turned into a bar.

A grasshopper leaps into a bar, settles on a stool and orders a beer.

Amazed, the bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”

The grasshopper says, “You have a drink named Steve?”


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