By Jim Boyce | Terse or winding, spotless or filthy, groaner or side-splitter, there is no shortage of “walks into a bar” jokes—or even anti-jokes. I’ve collected a bunch during the past year—50 jokes and counting—and they’ll be randomly appearing in the blog’s sidebar. Simply click “refresh” to get a new one. Here are a dozen…
Three strips of bacon, two fried eggs and a pile of hash browns walk into a bar.
“Sorry guys,” says the bartender. “We don’t serve breakfast.”
The past, the present and the future walk into a bar.
It’s a tense situation.
A man walks into a bar and orders a bottle of ‘less’.
The bartender says he’s never heard of the drink.
“What is that, some new kind of cocktail?” he asks.
“I have no idea,” says the man. “All I know is that my doctor says I should start drinking it.”
Two whales walk into a bar.
“Wheee-ooooo-uuuuuuu-oooo-uhhhhhhh,” says the first whale
“Shut up, Bob,” says the second one. “You’re drunk.”
A skeleton walks into a bar.
“What’ll you have?” asks the bartender.
“Give me a beer and a mop.”
The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers here.”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
An E-flat walks into a bar.
“Sorry,” says the bartender. “We don’t serve minors here.”
A guy with dyslexia walked into a bra.
A woman walks into a bar and orders three drinks. The bartender offers to bring them one at a time but she insists on all three at once.
“It reminds me of having a drink with my two sisters who live so far away,” she says.
She does this every day for a year. Then one day, she arrives and only orders two drinks.
“What’s wrong?” asks the bartender, with a worried look. “Did one of your sisters die?”
“No,” she says. “I decided to quit drinking.”
An Excel spreadsheet command walks into a bar and joins two tables.
A magician turned into a bar.
A grasshopper leaps into a bar, settles on a stool and orders a beer.
Amazed, the bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”
The grasshopper says, “You have a drink named Steve?”